...from that moment on...

Something in my mind had stopped.
It was that time when I crept downstairs at 9am. Picked up my mail, and carefully cut open my results letter.
"...Advised to Withdraw...." Followed by the 12 module results that were mostly below 40%.
My time had slowed down, my senses were heightened, I could feel the entire deep beats of my heart in my head.
I silently went back upstairs with the letter, and went back into bed.

I cried in my mind.

Am I worth anything? Should I go on with my walk of life towards the sun with this crooked 'shadow' following behind me? I have not met the expectations of my family and my friends. I will be marked as a lowlife by my parent, not worth anything to anyone.

I did not see this coming, I increased my efficiency of revision by a significant amount during the 2nd semester because of how crap I did in my first semester. All that amounts to nothing. The university sees no more value in me.

At this point, the reader of this blog must be thinking that I have given up.

YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!

I'm not going to give up 2 years of uni getting towards my degree just because a letter tells me to sod off...

I'm going to write a letter, and put my heart into it. I want my degree damnit!
Don't deny me access to it by telling me to get lost because I won't.

If I have to take a significant number of supplementary exams, then so be it.
The 3rd year is within reach. I just need to run up and jump across the gap to get to it.
I will not re-do my second year. Upon getting to my final year, I swear on my life that I will give it 100%, I will significantly reduce my social life if need be. Priority one will be my final year modules. Minimal or no karate, no joining of society's with a very good reason.
apologies in advanced to my future housemates, I'll be a boring person to live with. I may have to sacrifice a decent friendship or 2 so I can have more time devoted to my studies. Because, I know that I'm on my own in the 3rd year, no one can help you.

Parents were right, if you had a long thought, and put the components of university life in priority, the degree must come first, then friends following close behind. Your friends will be alongside you when you're all holding that piece of paper in your hands at the graduation ceremony.

Anyway, I feel better after thinking things through, I will appeal, and do the supplementary exams. Get to 3rd year, and put foot to arse. 'nuff said.